Feeling Guilty

I’m feeling guilty for wanting this pregnancy to be over. All I ever wanted was to get pregnant and stay that way for 40 weeks. After all my miscarriages before 10 weeks, I thought it would never happen. But here I am, almost 29 weeks pregnant, and wishing it was over and that I had my baby here in the outside world. I’m so huge and heavy, and tired. I’m still adjusting to being so big I can barely see my belly button, so I keep bumping into door frames and the edges of tables.

I’m still looking at different birthing centers and hospitals, but I really want to find a birthing center that feels right, before I have to go on bedrest. I’m going to ask my midwife for some suggestions a little further away from the area where I live, just so I can look at a few more before I make a decision. I’ve really stepped it up with the healthy eating and exercising and everything, because there is no way I am going to have a C-section unless it’s absolutely necessary. I also don’t want a hospital birth if I can help it. I’ll never forget the pushy asshole doctor I had last time, and I am going to avoid another scene like that at all costs.

And now I’m off to take a nap.